Choosing myself has never been easy.
I am a people pleaser by nature—someone who consistently puts others ahead of myself, often to my own detriment. My life didn’t fall apart in one dramatic moment. Instead, it unraveled through patterns. Repeated decisions. Familiar mistakes.
I am always striving to improve, yet I repeatedly sabotage my own progress. I’ve done this twice now. And while it would be easier to say I’m a victim of circumstance, the truth is more uncomfortable:
I am a victim of my own patterns.
This blog and vlog are cathartic for me. They are not curated highlight reels or motivational fluff. They are my attempt to understand myself honestly, with the hope of emerging stronger—becoming a better father, a better partner, and a better man.
Living With ADD in a World That Never Slows Down
I’ve been diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD), and in its full scope, it can be deeply debilitating. Growing up in the 1980s, however, ADD wasn’t understood the way it is today. You weren’t diagnosed—you were labeled.
Daydreamer.
Distracted.
Lazy.
The truth is, ADD is both a blessing and a curse, and I’ve been saying that for years.
The Blessing of ADD: Creativity, Vision, and Hyperfocus
The blessing of ADD is that the mind never stops creating.
Ideas are always forming—some stronger than others—but they matter to me. They feel alive. They spark action. When I latch onto an idea, I enter a state known as hyperfocus (yes, it’s real). In that mode, my intensity is unmatched. I can build, create, and execute at a level that feels unstoppable.
Until something happens.
Another idea appears.
And another.
And suddenly, I’m chasing a new goal before finishing the last one.
The Curse of ADD: No Peace, No Pause
This is where the curse reveals itself.
There is no peace.
My mind is constantly flooded with thoughts, ideas, inner dialogue, and mental noise. Rest feels unnatural. Stillness feels uncomfortable. And in relationships, I want to share everything—every idea, every vision—because to me, they feel exciting, meaningful, and full of potential.
And honestly?
Many of them are good ideas.
But when ideas are shared without follow-through, people notice. Trust erodes. Labels form.
That realization hurts more than I want to admit.
Dopamine Addiction and the ADD Trap
So what am I really searching for?
Why do I keep repeating these cycles of self-destructive behavior?
Why can’t I seem to break free?
After deep reflection, I’ve reached a hard but honest conclusion:
I am addicted to dopamine.
Dopamine is a neurotransmitter—often called the brain’s “feel-good” chemical. When we experience novelty, excitement, validation, or progress, dopamine is released. It feels incredible. So incredible that we chase it again and again.
And that’s the problem.
I don’t just enjoy dopamine—I pursue it.
When dopamine addiction combines with ADD—where impulsivity is already part of the neurological wiring—it creates a dangerous feedback loop. Highs followed by crashes. Motivation followed by regret. Inspiration followed by self-sabotage.
This combination has profoundly shaped my life.
Why Life 1080 Exists
Life 1080 is not just my journey—it’s for anyone who has faced real trials, setbacks, and internal battles. It’s for people who have fallen, gotten back up, and wondered if they had the strength to do it one more time.
I’ve fallen twice in my life.
This third time, I’m approaching it differently.
With intention.
With awareness.
With understanding.
I am doing this for myself—but also to finally break the cycle of self-sabotage, impulsive behavior, and destructive patterns. This is about building a life guided by purpose, not dopamine. Discipline, not impulse. Clarity, not chaos.
Life 1080 isn’t about perfection.
It’s about consciousness.
And choosing—every single day—to turn the curse into the blessing.